Pondering…

The idea came to me in the shower – from whence all genius flows. “If I can get a cheap ticket home, I should just go home this week!” So, last Monday the ticket, the finances, and the vacation time came together and I was on my way home two days later, on Wednesday. For how excited I was to be heading home, there was no other way I could have kept my visit a secret, except for not even having enough time to let anybody know.

God worked things out so I got home on Friday a few hours before my family was leaving for an extended family gathering in our rural home. The event was the unveiling of my grandmother’s tombstone. You can’t even begin to imagine what it meant to me to be able to be there for that! The only other relative whose passing was nearly as difficult to mourn all alone in the States was my cousin Lee’s. He was only a year older than me. From every report I heard he bore his painful illness with such bravery as to put to shame the toughest of us.

Besides the resolution that mourning dearly departed with loved ones who understand brought, it was a blessing beyond anything I’d asked to spend my first weekend in Zimbabwe with a large cross-section of my large extended family. I couldn’t have hoped to see so many of them in such a short visit to the country, but God had plans!

So many people thought my younger sister was the one visiting from the States and I was the homebody That made me so happy especially contrasted with my fear of not fitting in. On the contrary, it would seem that my Ndau is somewhat unadulterated, my Ndebele as average as it always was (except with an improved accent, if I should say so myself). The only problem is when I speak English.

When speaking English in America, I have a foreign accent and now when I come home, I have a foreign accent as well. In America, I will never have an American accent because I’m not from there. My accent changed while I was in the States though, because when I spoke English as I learnt it back home, people could not understand me. So I had to roll my rrrrrs a bit more… and swallow words a bit more…. so the waitress could understand that all I wanted was a glass of “wadr”.

Familiar smells. Familiar tones. Familiar attitudes. Hospitality unparalleled. The little things about Zimbabwe I didn’t even know I missed. Then looking at the countryside on the drive from our rural home in the Chipinge area  brought on a new wave of nostalgia. This is the Zimbabwe no-one shows in documentaries…the Zimbabwe you can only experience in person…the Zimbabwe I’d forgotten I missed so terribly.

I came here to surprise my family with a visit. They were surprised! But I wasn’t counting on the wonderful surprises that I too have experienced. Seeing my homeland for the first time in 7yrs will hopefully not only have brought tears to my eyes, but will bring fresh revelations as well.

It’s so good to be home!

Today was the first day of the missionaries’ examinations. What did I think?

1. On the whole, they did an excellent job of presenting a summary of the key points from their research paper for the year.

2. In general, they chose challenging topics and made a thorough analysis of problem areas, often finding cogent resolutions.

3. Their collegiality was encouraging.

4. Listening to them present inspired in me hope for the future of our church.

Driving home, I listened to NPR (National Public Radio). As an aside, when I was a kid, I thought listening to talk radio was a really foolish thing that only old people do. I mean, who turns on the radio to listen to people talking?? Radios were for music! But take a look at me now…and interpret as you wish

On NPR, there was a heated conversation about Amazon’s place in the world of books and publishing. I had half a mind to sit in my car and hear the conclusion of the matter when I got home. The other half of my mind won the argument though.

The jist of what I caught in my 20minute commute, was that Amazon doesn’t care about the publishing industry. Because they sell other stuff on their website, they can give you books for peanuts, pretty much, as a lure for you to purchase other things from them. Come to think of it, Amazon is one of the first stops for me, when I think of where to buy…anything, really…especially books!

So, what’s the problem? It’s nice that we can get books for cheap! Well, I gather that publishers’ problem is that it drives down market value of books, so that publishers will have to sell their books for cheaper in the future. That would be fine if they had other sources of income as is the case for Amazon. But they don’t. They rely on book sales to fuel the whole publishing process – hiring authors, editors, marketing, etc. They don’t have an electronics department that’s making profit to bolster their losses on books.

As I turned the car engine off, they had begun to address the question of whether it’s really Amazon’s fault that publishers are selling less. Some statistics they cited seemed to indicate that people just don’t read books like they used to. It would appear, that book sales were declining way before e-books rolled around. Amazon kindle or no kindle, people just don’t buy books any longer.

I could see that! What, with netflix, and hulu, and youtube, and itunes, and audiobooks, and audioverse…Who needs to read?

That is a huge part of why I was so proud of our missionaries today. They took time to read, study, parse the material for themselves. They had to read one book, check its references to find the next book, buy that book and read it to see if it had anything viable to offer… They communed with the minds of thinkers before them, and engaged in the process themselves to reach their conclusions.

Yeah, yeah, you think as you watch a documentary… But there’s just something about words on a page that lends itself to rigorous analysis!

Today’s experience challenged me to more diligent study.

Missionaries, I salute you.

On the 18th of April, 1980, Zimbabwe, my home country, declared independence from Britain. It took years of fighting in a war called the Chimurenga, and a measure of external support to achieve the goal. One of my uncles who left home to join the struggle never returned. Every day, for years, my mother’s family would look out on the horizon in frustrated hopes of seeing him walking down the beaten path…And so it was for the many families who lost their loved ones in the fight for freedom.

Today we celebrate 32 years of independence but Chimurenga continues.

Only two years after our independence, Gukurahundi began. An estimated 20,000 people, mostly civilians, were killed between 1982 and 1988. The CCJP and LRF published a report titled “Breaking the Silence: A Report on the Disturbances in Matabeleland and the Midlands.” You can find an abridged version here. To this day, there has been no official acknowledgment, let alone an apology for the human rights violations that took place.

Operation Murambatsvina came 5years after the fast-track land reform program which evicted white farmers, and opposition party supporters, from their land. Murambatsvina evicted city dwellers from shanty camps forcing them back to their rural homes in what has been seen as a bid to disperse urban support for the opposition.

Three decades later, although Zimbabwe is a free country, ethnic divisions heightened by Gukurahundi remain unaddressed; racial divisions have been piqued by the illegal land seizures; and freedom of political expression is virtually non-existent. Inasmuch as Chimurenga is a struggle for human rights, political dignity and social justice, the war continues.

So it is with heavy heart that today I celebrate the independence of a nation that is yet to be free. I am comforted and encouraged by the knowledge that Truth will always triumph in the end – though the wicked seem now to prosper, God will visit judgment in favor of His elect.

Moreover, in the greater struggle with sin in our individual lives, victory is assured through Jesus Christ, our Savior!

Chimurenga continues.

Your homework’s done – you have a clear sense of your budget and how far it can stretch; you’ve weighed your needs against your desires to find their critical balance where they meet your financial ability; you’ve read all the car-purchasing and negotiation tips; and kept an eye on the market for a gauge of what to expect…Now you’re ready to make the decision.

Trying to find “the car” was a strenuous, challenging task. More than once, you thought you’d got it, only to discover, upon reflection, that you had to get back on the market and keep looking. But don’t think of those experiences as wasted. Rather, they were opportunities to understand yourself better. If you really think about it, you probably learnt A LOT about yourself in those moments.

So, there you are at the Secretary of State. The butterflies in your tummy make you nauseous. Are you sure this is “the car?” What if you kept looking? Maybe you’d find a better deal somewhere, out there, beneath that bright blue sky…What if it turns out to be a lemon and your good deal was a rip off? Are you really ready for the commitment?

One of my life theme texts is found in Psalm 146:3-5

Do not put your trust in princes,
in human beings, who cannot save.
When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;
on that very day their plans come to nothing.
Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD their God.

When you have rested your case in the capable arms of a loving heavenly Father, there is nothing to fear. You can trust that He would intervene if this deal were not for your benefit in the long-run. You can be sure that He who sanctioned the transaction will provide for it’s sustenance in the future. He didn’t bring you this far just to leave you.

What is it that takes the edge off of commitment-phobia? For a Christian who has made God a part of every stage of their decision-making process, they can trust in the Father above. It really is a sweet thing to trust in Jesus – just to take Him at His word…just to rest upon His promise – just to know “Thus saith the Lord.”

Isabel Briggs Myers didn’t have to tell me that I’m moved by my feelings. In fact, it’s probably one of my greatest challenges as a Christian – to act on faith inspite of feeling. So when my friend started talking about loving with your head first before your heart, I knew what he was talking about.

It’s not just about getting a good deal on a car and having the upper hand in the negotiations. But, you see, he was talking about a principle to be applied in romantic relationships too. Before you let your heart get carried away with emotional attachment, you need to make sure that your mind has paved a clear path.

There’s nothing wrong with chemistry between two people. I think, actually, that it’s an important part of a romantic relationship. But, once the chemistry has been acknowledged, and it’s obvious you click with this other person…Before you allow your heart to commit to them…The mind must be engaged.

Here are the considerations the mind must go through, in the words of Ellen White:

“Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life?” AH 45.2

Those are some packed questions! And they need to be asked before your heart commits. Asking them after you’ve decided that this person is perfect…and that you could spend every waking moment of the rest of your life with them…is too late. Your answers won’t be honest.

And when you find yourself in a situation where your heart has run ahead of your head, you need a time-out. A recess from the person with whom you are so emotionally entangled. It doesn’t mean they’re necessarily the wrong person for you, but you’d rather have the security of knowing, without a doubt, that God approves the match. A time-out will help you clear your mind and answer more honestly.

She goes on to say:

“If these reflections present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward.”

Sometimes it turns out not to be the perfect car for you after all. Or, maybe it will be the right choice for you. But wouldn’t you rather know for sure!?!

The car I went to see yesterday seems like a pretty good deal: Something I can afford: Good re-sale value: Mileage under 100k. And the current owner is willing to negotiate price. But…

But the paint is peeling off the hood. And there are some signs of rust at the tip of the hood too. Now, I know the oxidation could be a safety issue, but that was not what gave me pause. Rather, it was the aesthetics of a car with a delaminating hood that bothered me. I mean, that’s just not a pretty sight!

It’s not so much a question of “what will people think of me?” More a matter of what image I would like to portray to the world…I guess. Once you get beyond caring what people think of you, the next battle is with what you think of yourself. I don’t mean in a healthy self-image kinda way. But I just mean that picture of the self that we want those around us to perceive – whether or not that self is true.

The thought had crossed my mind, before, of how it’s possible for people living in low income neighborhoods to drive relatively new cars. I mean, shouldn’t you be saving to move to a better area?
Yes, it would be logically inconsistent to finance a car that stretches your budget if your priorities are overall upward social mobility. Yet the gratification of immediate positive perception could, at times, override the sensible choice. At times, we choose to be seen as what we are not and, I think we even convince ourselves that if enough people see us this way, we will morph into that. A kinda fake it till you make it mentality.

So we fake holiness…fake our income bracket by what we wear or drive…fake openness by who we associate with…fake kindness by how much we donate…all the time hoping the fakeness will transform us.

It doesn’t.

There’s only One who can transform us. Just like the Ethiopian can’t change his skin and the leopard its spots, pretending to be something we are not is just that – pretending! Nothing more. What we need is a total transformation. Not to be driving a car that makes us look like something, but to be something no matter what we’re driving. And the only One who can effect such a transformation is Jesus.

There may not be a problem with the persona you want to portray. The goal, though, is for you to be that person, not to put up a front. What you need is to be transformed into that likeness.

Here’s the promise of the day, taken from Ezekiel 36:26-27. God says,

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.”

My friend was kind enough to take some time away from his family to help me look at a car a couple of weeks back. After searching for a few days, I’d found one I thought I wanted. From the test drive, everything seemed fine. I’d done a cursory check but needed a second, and more educated, opinion. So there he was

He agreed it seemed like a good deal. Only one previous owner…under 80k miles…clean title…but, he asked, “how badly do you want this car?” To be honest, even before I called for his opinion, I was pretty sure I’d get it. I was already weary from the search and just wanted it to be over. I just wanted to settle back into a normal existence. Yearning for my independence again. I was ready to get a car.

In my subsequent research, I learnt that one of the tips to getting a good deal on a car is that you have to be willing to walk away from it if it doesn’t meet your terms. The moment you show signs of desperation or emotional attachment, you lose your bargaining power.

But what if I let this one go and nothing like it ever comes my way again? What if this is as good as it gets – it’s not exactly what I want, but what if it’s the best I’ll ever find? What if I regret my decision to wait for the right deal?

Those are not the thoughts of someone who wants the right car at the right price!
You’ve just got to believe that good things come. That this glimpse at something similar to what you want is only a promise of better things to follow. That there’s a chance you’ll have the perfect deal, if you’d just wait.

My friend made me wait before committing to that car. And although the dealer had been unmoveable on the price the day before, he called me with a lower price, out-the-door, the next day. And the day after that, the price came down even further!
I seriously thought that someone would literally walk into that dealership and buy that car at their asking price the moment I walked out the door. But there he was, offering me the discount I had requested before.

The time of waiting and reflection also made it evident that that wasn’t the car for me anyway. It gave me time to think about my goals for the next few years and my current financial status and I came to a clearer notion of what I need in a car right now.

I’ve come to conclude that it’s a dangerous thing to act out of fear. Doing something for fear rather than for love is no place for a Christian – even when it comes buying a car. Here is a summation of this conclusion:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:17

A friend of mine just bought a Yaris, recently, and shared the experience with me a couple of days ago.
He was driving on a small local highway, and there it was, on the side of the road. When he spoke with the seller they were just trying to get rid of the car as quick and painlessly as possible on behalf of someone else. With barely any negotiating, the seller slashed $1k off of the original asking price. Just like that, my friend had a car.

Another friend had a rich uncle who paid for a brand new car in cash upfront as an interest-free loan.

Someone’s parents bought if for them…someone got it priced super low because the previous driver claimed a malfunction which was probably attributable to mis-handling…someone saved up for years to pay for it upfront. And someone else never bought one – just never fit into the big picture of their life…maybe.

My story will never be identical to someone else’s story, because we’re all such different people. The temptation is, sometimes, to look at someone else’s life and wish ours were just like theirs. Maybe a car fits the big picture of your life, maybe it’s even a necessity. But the process of acquisition will be different for everyone. And why not, given that God’s care for us is so tailor-made.

He is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, because His relationship with each of them was unique. If He is to be your God, let Him direct your life in a manner unique to you. This quote sums it up:

“The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare, not another soul for whom He gave His beloved Son.”
{Steps to Christ p100}

It is, without a doubt and by far, one of my least favorite things to do. So many variables…too much deceit…

The anxiety of not being able to trust the person selling to me is overwhelming! As are the factors you need to consider in making the final choice – a newer car with  more miles or an older car with lower mileage…an older car with better trim or a newer car with lesser trim…larger loan with longer term but lower payments or smaller loan with shorter term and higher payments…???

One of two things would resolve my dilemma and neither of them easily accessible:

Thing One – Money

If I were a rich woman…dibee dibee dibee dibee dibee dibee dibee dum…I could pay MSRP on whatever car I chose. Wouldn’t have to haggle with the salesman. No worries about checking for rust on the body, under the hood, or under the car because it’d be brand new. Loans? Schmoans! I’d just write out a personal check!

But I have the distinct feeling that money like that is not to be my lot in life…

Thing Two – Decisiveness

Technically, this one is far more readily accessible, and usually not much of a problem for me…but… Well,  thing is, I know what I want, but I just can’t have it right now. My immigration status (or rather non-status at the moment to be precise), my credit score (looooooong sob story), and my plans for the future (which is consistently uncertain – no complaints) all coalesce into circumstances that mean I can’t have what I know I want.

When you can’t have what you want, but you need something nonetheless, what do you do? You settle. You settle for next best. In my books though, when I compare next best with next best, they all look the same to me – not best! Hence the indecisiveness…What can I say? It’s a personality flaw?

It Continues

And so my car search continues. As are most things in my life, it’s way more introspective of an experience than is expedient, but alas, I must accept me as I am I’ve been learning a lot though and I have a couple of posts in mind from those lessons. Watch this space.

First in the Sabbath School Bible study guide two weeks ago, and then for vespers last Friday, prayer’s been a hot topic of late. In fact, after a rousing sermon entitled “Lift Him Up” at Collegiate Sabbath last weekend, we went out around Big Rapids offering to pray with folk who opened the door to us. Not too many opened…but, since it was so nice and sunny, there were many doors already open. haha.

It’s so much fun going door-knocking! You meet all sorts of characters. At one house, this past Sabbath, as we approached, we heard scrambling. There was a car in the garage and the front door was wide open, but when we knocked and hollered no-one responded. Then I saw movement behind the couch. Someone was hiding behind the couch. I mean, seriously?

Of the 5 people we got to speak with in the space of an hour and a half, none of them was willing to pray with us! Refusing a Bible study because you’re afraid I’m trying to convert you when you already belong to a church is one thing. But how harmless is prayer!

Ok, so one example comes to mind for why someone might be wary to accept prayer…When I was canvassing 5years ago (that’s so long ago, I need to do it again and generate new stories!) I met this “born-again” Christian who was so touched by the fact we were going door-to-door selling Christian books that he offered to pray for my work. I accepted, of course, and he proceeded to lay a hand on my shoulder as we prayed there on the sidewalk. As the prayer was drawing to a close, he begun uttering indecipherable sounds…I opened one eye to assess the situation. He was “speaking in tongues” but not the Biblical way. And it was a bit of an uncomfortable situation…

Prayer, I suppose, isn’t as cut ‘n dry for Christians any longer eh.

Regardless, from all the musing I’ve done on prayer recently, one thing emerges as cardinal – prayer is about building a relationship with God. Oh so much I could write in that vein…<sigh> But I’ll stick to one analogy that struck me the other day.

It used to seem a little redundant to pray to God about stuff He already knows. So you want that ZW series Felt bike…since He can read your mind, He already knows that! Or you’re unhappy about a situation at work…He saw it happen! Why pray?

Well, it’s kinda like the difference between a blog and a call.

If I were to read a blog about, say, my friend’s experience taking the bar exam, I would now possess information about her. Maybe I could even say I’d know her better. And, of course I’d want to read my friend’s blog to know what’s going on in her mental world
But…
If she gives me a call and tells me about the bar, it’s not just about knowing what is going on with her. It’s that now, and perhaps more importantly, she has invited me into her experience. She wants me to be a part of it – a part of her life. Whereas before, I was just an interested party, a phonecall like that is the bricks and motor of a solid relationship.

Yeah, God has all this information about us. Yeah, He knows what we want, what we need, how we feel etc etc etc. But He wants more than just to read the blog that is our life. His desire is that we would invite Him into our experience…make Him a part of our lives. He invites us to a relationship with Him through His Word. Will we reciprocate through prayer?