bouquetThis year will probably be the busiest for me in terms of wedding attendance. This past Sunday, I completed my 4th out of six weddings for this year and attempted a new approach to that dreaded moment called, “the bouquet toss.”

Why brides still insist on tossing that thing must be a twisted form of revenge for all the times they had to go up for the toss before their “graduation” day of marriage. But they do not take out their revenge on those who ‘hurt’ them…no…rather, revenge is taken out on innocent bystanders, the other singles at their marriage celebration – who in turn will do the same to other singles as soon as they have a chance.

You’ve noticed how reluctantly the single ladies will rush forward for the toss (well, in some contexts…)? In general, it’s not because they don’t want to get married. Oh, no, no. Quite the contrary. It’s actually a complex interplay of social expectations and internal conflict that results in a reluctance to step up to the plate, and moreover, to jump for that bouquet.

As a single lady with a desire for the companionship that marriage affords, you’re always straddling that line between honest and desperate, both internally and externally. Externally, you don’t want to come off all desperado but then you could seem too confident and self-assured that it scares the brothers off. Internally, it’s the faith vs presumption battle – yes, God’s ideal may have been marriage for all but we aren’t quite living under ideal conditions…(ps: I think the internal balance comes at the point of trusting God and when you find that inner peace it takes care of the external struggle… – but that’s a-whole-nother entry).

My nonchalant attitude towards the toss on Sunday, combined with a hint of playfulness, completely backfired and resulted in the MC calling me out although I was already standing front and center. The playful attitude probably set me up as an easy target for jesting – I would have done the same had I been the MC! But then combine that with the fact I ended up with the bouquet in hand as it was hurriedly tossed to me by Erin who really caught it, and it made for quite the embarrassing experience. It was hilarious!

bouquet catch

What single and unattached girl wants to catch the bouquet? Especially given the inevitable questions to the effect, “when’s the wedding?” “where’s the man?” Ehm, the answer on both counts would be, “I don’t know…” It’s almost as if we were truly superstitious and believed there were some power inherent in that bouquet to predict the next bride. It’s all a joke, of course, but perhaps one that sometimes hits too close to home.

So I pronounce many blessings on those brides who remember how uncomfortable it was for them to go up for the toss and spare the single ladies the unnecessary pain. Because whether you’re attached or not, uncaring inquiries into the status of someone’s romantic enterprises really only serve as an insensitive joke at the expense of another.

As for how the nonchalant approach to the toss worked out…Well, it was a tremendous asset in the aftermath of my bouquet semi-catch! Seeing as there is no true predictive power in the bouquet toss, I’d like to invite all my single ladies to join the nonchalant club. When they make the call, walk up there with confidence and if you’re up for it, maybe even have some fun with it all. And if you carry a bouquet on your wedding day, be nice and don’t toss it 😉


3 Replies to “psychology of the bouquet toss”

  1. That was interesting! I actually always wondered, at weddings, why the girls were so slow to go up front. This was a new insight, never thought about this before.

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