Aja, Aja…Fighting!

“God often brings men to a crisis to show them their own weakness and to point them to the source of strength. If they pray and watch unto prayer, fighting bravely, their weak points will become their strong points. Jacob’s experience contains many valuable lessons for us. God taught Jacob that in his own strength he could never gain the victory, that he must wrestle with God for strength from above.”
2MCP 454.2

I’ll tell you what, I’m always tempted to just mentally check out until the difficulty abates so I don’t have to deal with it head on. But no strength is gained that way and loss is sustained. As hard as it is to face challenges and actually work through them, it’s the only prescription for growth.

Faith vs Feeling

It was probably during my first year of college that I realized that feelings are very important to me. When I’m done with the rational/theological analyses and I still have two options, I’ll go with the one that feels right. But what happens when the feeling comes before you’ve had time to analyse?
I’d need to look back in my journals for what the specific Bible study was about, but that year, I was introduced to the concept of faith vs feeling and I realized that much of my so-called faith was really feelings based.

In the garden of Eden, when Eve ate the fruit, nothing about the experience felt wrong: It looked nutritious, pleasant to the eye, and logically desirable if it would make her wise. The only thing censuring her course of action was the clear Word of God. She couldn’t trust her experience, as compelling as it was. But she could trust God’s Word which is living and powerful and a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

It’s been a while since I had an experience so palpable it struck with resounding force at the core of this faith vs feeling controversy in my life… Where my heart yells out one thing and my body agrees with it: But in the stillness of my time with God, the true reality is made plain and I cannot, in safety, follow my heart.

It’s been a while since I had to give up something I really wanted because it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, it’s not because there aren’t things in my life I should have given up a long time ago. But this time, if I couldn’t let this one go, I would end up hurting people I care very deeply about – and the knowledge of that provided the extra impetus.

Every fiber of my being screams that I’m doing the wrong thing in letting this one go. But faith trusts God’s wisdom above my experience and I know it will all work out.