Pondering…

A friend of mine would always respond to the nonchalant “how are you?” with “I can’t complain.” So taking a cue from him, I came up with my own array of responses that are more descriptive than “fine.” On the short list are “can’t complain” (how original right…), “I’m well” (then you know things are dandy), “I’m alive” (practicing an attitude of gratitude), and “I’m awake” (when staying awake can be considered a victory…). Of these responses, my favorite, right now, is “I’m alive” and here’s why (the long version…):

I had an awesome day Friday! After going to the office and putting in a productive 2hrs, I came home to finish unpacking my room, which I hadn’t finished unpacking since moving in August last year (ahem). Aaaand, I actually worked through the stacks that were piling up, neatly against my wall…I even got to the stuff under my bed . Before sundown, I’d cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed my room and was on my way to take a shower! I like taking a shower just as the sun sets, symbolically washing away the cares of the week for a fresh start.

I’d had an awesome devotion in the morning – thinking about Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross as I studied through the Sabbath school lesson study guide faithfully last week (ps: faithfully is the operative word because I’m usually not so faithful with that…ahem, ahem). It was one of those days that you spend the day with Jesus, just thinking of Him, talking to Him, praying about anything and everything that comes to mind. So throughout the day, I’d been making commitments for my relationship with God and some difficult decisions I hadn’t been ready to make until then. And top it off with good fellowship and an awesome Bible study in the evening in spite of treacherously snowy roads, for an awesome Friday.

Sabbath morning, the lesson study gelled together and I figured out how I would approach the class. One of those days that you’re excited to be the teacher because you learnt so much during the week and you figured out a way to lead the class to the revelations God had given you. So, believe it or not, I was out of my apartment around 9am though Sabbath school starts at 10 and it’s a 20-25min commute. I even had enough time to clean my neighbors car while warming my car up!

On the way I mused about my windshield crack that doubled in size in just one night a week back. Regretting not having taken it to the windshield repair people during the summer, I wondered if it would crack all the way to the end and then spontaneously shatter as I’m driving one day. At this juncture, I’d probably need to have the entire thing replaced…I’m too poor argh, but if it was a safety thing I’d have to do it huh. A stitch in time saves nine!

Traffic was slowing down ahead and I wondered if I could come to a full stop without bumping the person ahead of me. The road was a little slick so I looked to the left lane for safety in case I needed to switch over. But there was a pick-up truck coming at a speed that wouldn’t allow me to switch over…I’d just have to make the stop. Uttering a quick prayer I pumped my brakes and with 12feet between me and the car ahead, I was confident enough of safety to thank God for preventing a fender bender. It would have been so inconvenient to have to exchange information etc.

Just as the praise was escaping my lips, I notice the pick-up truck in the fast lane, still going a little too fast, in my estimation. I mentally commented on how folk in larger vehicles are often too confident about how well their cars can handle slick conditions. Then the driver must have stepped on their brakes pretty suddenly because I saw the back of the truck fishtail in the direction of the median and thought, “I hope he doesn’t hit me when he swings back this way.”

Impact. At the front end of my car. The orientation of my vehicle shifted ninety degrees to the right and I was headed for the trailer of a Walmart semi truck at a standstill next to me. “I’ve always wondered if you could go all the way under one of these…”

Impact. As the glass begun to shatter, I let go of the steering wheel, bowed down my head and covered it with my hands, made sure I didn’t have my foot on the brake or accelerator so I wouldn’t step on the wrong one at the wrong time. I felt glass spraying.

Impact. I wondered if I’d gone all the way under the semi and was hitting a wall on the other side. That’d be totally radical! But I was still in motion. I reminded myself to relax like a drunkard to avoid more injuries than necessary…

Impact. Probably the greatest impact yet on the front end drivers side. I wasn’t moving anymore. Car still running. Oh, I should check for the smell of gas. That was ridiculous! Why do I still have my head covered? I think it’s over. Wait, I’m actually alive. Do I feel pain anywhere? I wonder where I ended up…

“Are you ok, ma’am?” There were three gentlemen, each stopped independently to find out if I was alright. Taking my hands off of my head and with a smile on my face, I said “I’m fine.” Haha. And that is the appropriate use of that response!

It was only when they counselled me to get out of the vehicle that I felt the adrenaline response…my entire body was shaking. Why am I shaking, I wondered. Ahhh, it’s the adrenaline! haha. They told me to turn off the car, so I did and put the keys on the seat. I was so glad I picked warmth over class when I chose a coat that morning!

They’d already called 911 and seeing that I was ok, one of them left me their phone number as they drove off. Oh no, I was going to miss Sabbath school I called someone and asked him to find a cover for me teaching class that morning stating that I’d been in a little accident (I didn’t want people making a fuss). I told him I was fine!

Looking at my shattered windshield, I thought, What a way to answer my ramblings about the crack in my windshield…I guess I will need a new one altogether!

Fire department came and helped the Walmart guy across the street so he could take pictures of my car for the record. He was so nice and made me think better of Walmart now. When he put his fatherly arm around my shoulders, I thought I was about to break down and cry. But why? Ahh, shock…I must be like in shock, I thought to myself. But I couldn’t start crying now…not when I needed to try and think straight. So I released myself from his arm as he told me that he saw the whole thing! Thank God!

The firemen let me sit in their truck as we waited for the cops to come and take a crash report. We waited for 2hrs…The wreckers waited too…In the meantime, I asked a friend to come and get me. We made it to the last 30mins of a sermon on how we need every part of the body.

I’ve been warned about the PTSD and the aches that show up 2days later…oh, and the pieces of shattered glass that will continue to turn up in random places…For now, I’m just trying to get it out of my hair!

This is the report. Reflections to follow And here are some pictures…

Probably the scariest view of my car...

What the windshield looked like on the inside

Shattered glass on the front seats...there was some all the way to the back seat too

Not sure what I hit to get that dent

Lost half of my rear bumper...fireman had to get it from the middle of the highway

View of the accident from inside the fire truck

The year 2011 goes down in the history of my life as the toughest year yet. And where there are challenges, there are lessons to be learnt. So here are the top 3 lessons I learnt this past year:

Lesson #1

Love at first sight does, indeed, exist

Okay, well, maybe not love at first sight, really…because you grow to love someone. But, to adopt a well-coined phrase, “recognition of potential at initial observation” or “ropaio” can actually happen. What happens after the ropaio is another story Taking a broad sweep of my year, this lesson came at a time when my belief in romantic love and subsequent marriage was waning. I still think that Hollywood and its rom-com industry has done my generation a great disservice, but now I believe, again, that God can write even better love stories!

Lesson #2

Unfaithfulness to God is never self-contained

The decisions we make in the privacy of our own minds have repercussions in the world of our influence. The reality of every individuals influence is an exciting notion when we are leading others in the right direction. On the other hand, it becomes a bitter pill when those we care about are hurt by our bad choices. It’s never just about me.

Lesson #3

My parents are human

A child’s parents are as God to them; their word is law; they are provider. I was blessed to be raised by God-fearing parents and it’s easy to, in a sense, idolize “perfect” parents. But one of the marks of mature adulthood is a healthy relationship with your parents. They make mistakes. They hurt each other and they hurt you. They can no longer provide for your needs. You may even disagree with them at times. And yet, in spite of these things, you still love and honor them.

So simple now that I’ve summarized them, but it took a painful year filled with disappointment and regret to learn these lessons. To be fair, I also experienced encouragement to buttress the disappointment, salvation for my regrets and hope that runs deeper than the pain.
I have a new determination coming out of my 2011 experience, and that is that no matter what 2012 brings, I want to go it with Jesus!

I’ve been ruminating on 2 Timothy 2:3 of late which reads, “Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.”
This past year has revealed to me my lack of endurance when trying times come. Or at least, even though I “endured” the challenges, my attitude would not qualify as that of a “good soldier!”
I’m thankful, though, that whenever we come to Jesus, He is ready and willing to save. And so, to His loving arms, I come.
This excerpt, from Sketches from the Life of Paul pages 147-148, presents a picture of how I would like to deal with troublesome times in the future:

“Paul’s ministry in Ephesus had been a season of incessant labor, of many trials, and deep anguish. He taught the people in public and from house to house, instructing and warning them with many tears. He was continually opposed by the unbelieving Jews, who lost no opportunity to stir up the popular feeling against him. Again and again he was attacked by the mob, and subjected to insult and abuse. By every means which they could employ, the enemies of truth sought to destroy the effects of his labor for the salvation of men.

“And while thus battling against opposition, and with untiring zeal pushing forward the gospel work and guarding the interests of a church yet young in the faith, Paul was bearing upon his soul the burden of all the churches. Nor was he released even from the tax of physical labor. Here, as at Corinth, he worked with his own hands to supply his necessities. In weariness and painfulness from unceasing toil and constant danger, enfeebled by disease, and at times depressed in spirits, he steadfastly pursued his work.

“The news which he received, of apostasy in churches of his own planting, caused him deep anguish. He greatly feared that his efforts in their behalf would prove to have been in vain. Many a sleepless night was spent in prayer and earnest thought, as he learned of the new and varied methods employed to counteract his work. As he had opportunity, he wrote to the churches, giving reproof, counsel, admonition, and encouragement, as their state demanded. In his epistles the apostle does not dwell on his own trials, yet there are occasional glimpses of his labors and sufferings in the cause of Christ. Stripes and imprisonment, cold and hunger and thirst, perils by land and sea, in the city and in the wilderness, from his own countrymen, from the heathen, and from false brethren,—all these he endured for the truth’s sake. He was defamed, reviled, “made the offscouring of all things,” “perplexed, persecuted, troubled on every side,” “in jeopardy every hour,” “alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake.”

“Amid the constant storm of opposition, the clamor of enemies, and the desertion of friends, the intrepid apostle at times almost lost heart. But he looked back to Calvary, and with new ardor pressed on to spread the knowledge of the Crucified. He was but treading the blood-stained path which Christ had trodden before him. He sought no discharge from the warfare till he should lay off his armor at the feet of his Redeemer.

“Eighteen centuries have passed since the apostle rested from his labors; yet the history of his toils and sacrifices for Christ’s sake are among the most precious treasures of the church. That history was recorded by the Holy Spirit, that the followers of Christ in every age might thereby be incited to greater zeal and faithfulness in the cause of their Master.

“How does this hero of faith tower above the self-indulgent, ease-loving men who are today crowding the ranks of the ministry. When subjected to the ordinary difficulties and trials of life, many feel that their lot is hard. But what have they done or suffered for the cause of Christ? How does their record appear when compared with that of this great apostle? What burden of soul have they felt for the salvation of sinners? They know little of self-denial or sacrifice. They are indebted to the grace of Christ for all the excellences of character which they possess, for every blessing which they enjoy. All that they are, and all that they have, is the purchase of the blood of Christ. As the servants of Christ encounter opposition and persecution, they should not permit their faith to grow dim or their courage to fail. With Christ as a helper, they can resist every foe, and overcome every difficulty. The same obligation rests upon them which impelled the apostle to his unwearied labors. Only those who emulate his fidelity, will share with him the crown of life.”

This morning, I’m so glad I’m a creationist! See, I was just thinking in the shower (the place from whence all brilliance emanates) that to believe that all things just naturally occur is deterministic – that once things are set in motion, they just flow to their determined end: An end determined by the laws of nature, so to speak.

Recently, there has sprouted in my heart, an abiding fear of repeating my parents’ mistakes. You know that third and fourth generation curse…like, what if I’m in the second generation? I’m doomed!
The fear is recent probably because it’s only recently that I’ve been forced to or had the courage to stare into the face of my parents’ failures. Being an idealist, I guess I unwittingly imagined my parents to be perfect. But they’re not perfect. And my entire being rebels against the reality. The truth can be a painful thing.

So, anyways, as I’ve been looking down the barrel of my parents’ shortcomings, I tremble at the possibility that I’m looking into my own future. (Please note, that my parents are not all failures and no successes. In fact, they’re probably mostly successes which eclipsed, for so long, my realization of the failures. I’ve just had to take a long hard look at the other side of the coin…that’s all). If I am my parents’ daughter, then I’ll have the same tendencies that they do…even the not-so-great ones. Hence the fear.

But as I was thinking in the shower, I realized how deterministic that logic is. Who said I have to make the same mistakes that my parents made?! So, that’s what naturally occurs…but I believe in a God who is above nature!
Yes, an object in motion will remain in motion, UNLESS an unbalanced force acts on it. I’m doomed to make the mistakes of my parents, UNLESS God intervenes. And, I believe in the kind of God who does intervene. If He didn’t, the earth would still be without form, and void, and darkness would still cover the face of the earth!

I was well on my way to writing another pessimistic post, this time about having children, when a conversation with a friend, on the topic, revealed a flaw in my perspective. It’s kinda like the whole glass half full or half empty thing…

Focusing on the emptiness breeds fear, you see. But God has not given us a spirit of fear! So it’s un-Christian to focus on the negative.
Ok, so marriages can fail. Spouses can disappoint each other. And yet marriages can also succeed! Spouses can remain faithful. And the home can be happy!
Ok, so having children is scary because you’re responsible for the molding of a life that you could quite easily ruin! Yet, you could also raise children who will bless the world through their influence!

Here’s a quote I read in a book titled, “I Love Books” p405:

“Let me introduce you to two philosophers of the Alexandrian school. Posidippus is one, Metrodorus the other. They will speak to you – first Posidippus:
“What path of life may one hold? In the market place are strifes and hard dealings, in the house cares; in the country labor enough, and at sea terror; and abroad, if thou hast aught, fear, and if thou art in poverty, vexation. Art married? thou wilt not be without anxieties; unmarried? thy life is yet lonelier. Children are troubles; a childless life is a crippled one. Youth is foolish, and gray hairs again feeble. In the end the choice is one of these two: either never to be born, or, as soon as born, to die.”

“Now listen to Metrodorus, who has heard what his fellow philosopher has to say:
“Hold every path of life. In the market place are honors and prudent dealings, in the house rest; in the country the charm of nature, and at sea gain; and abroad, if thou has aught, glory, and if thou art in poverty, thou alone knowest it. Art married? so will thine household be blest; unmarried? thy life is yet lighter. Children are darlings; a childless life is an unanxious one; youth is strong, and gray hairs again reverend. The choice is not then of one of the two, either never to be born or to die; for all things are good in life.”"

Posidippus and Metrodorus make true observations from different angles and that affects their conclusions on whether life is worth living or not. Posidippus’ conclusion is clearly un-Christian for why would God give us life if it weren’t worth living?! But Metrodorus’ conclusion seems unrealistic because really, it’s not all good – what of sin!?

And that’s where God steps in!

See, it was originally all good – in fact, it was goodx6 and very good! But then sin entered the world and now the same plant is a thorn bush and a rose bush at the same time. The thing is, with God, it’s all roses, but without Him, it’s all thorns.
Jesus came and bore the pain so that we could pick the rose. Check out this quote from “Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing” p71:

“The Father’s presence encircled Christ, and nothing befell Him but that which infinite love permitted for the blessing of the world. Here was His source of comfort, and it is for us. He who is imbued with the spirit of Christ abides in Christ. The blow that is aimed at him falls upon the Savior, who surrounds him with His presence. Whatever comes to him comes from Christ. He has no need to resist evil for Christ is his defense. Nothing can touch him except by our Lord’s permission, and “all things” that are permitted “work together for good to them that love God” Romans 8:28″

With confidence in a God who is our shield like that, how could a Christian not stop to smell the roses?! It doesn’t mean the negatives don’t exist. It just means that Christ has taken on all of the negatives for us already and will only permit that which would bless our lives.

I could go on and on about this but one last point and I’ll call it quits for now. Aside from the blatant lack of trust in God that a pessimistic attitude reveals, it also ultimately leads to the fulfillment of the very things we fear! You’re so afraid of making a mistake that the fear paralyzes you into making that very mistake. Moreover, you can’t be trusting God while you’re fearing evil. Here’s a quote I read this morning in “Patriarchs and Prophets” p513 about the Israelites – this is after they finally possessed the Promised Land:

“The cowards and rebels had perished in the wilderness, but the righteous spies ate of the grapes of Eschol. To each was given according to his faith. The unbelieving had seen their fears fulfilled. Notwithstanding God’s promise, they had declared that it was impossible to inherit Canaan, and they did not possess it. But those who trusted in God, looking not so much to the difficulties to be encountered as to the strength of their Almighty Helper, entered the goodly land…”

I want to trust God enough to smell the roses!

It’s such a crazy thing to get married, you know. I mean, you know someone for what, all of 1 or 2 or 3, maybe 5 or 6 years on the lengthy side of things…then you decide that you will spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with them! Waking up next to them…sharing toothpaste even, maybe…sharing groceries, choosing where to live, how much to spend, where to go when…perhaps even producing offspring together! And you’ve known this person for just 3yrs before all of that! Crazy!

My conclusion after pondering this insanity that overtakes humanity, is that there must be some compelling force, that prompts two individuals to choose to do something so risky. Some would call it love. I’m not certain it’s always love. But at the least, life without this other person has to seem worse than the risk of life with this person. Sometimes life with them is better. Sometimes life with them is less bad than life without them. So you take the plunge.

But then, another factor was recently introduced to my musings on this matter…Like they say, it takes two to tango. So to make a relationship work, both parties have to work on the relationship. Well, what if you wake up one day, and the person next to you doesn’t want to work on it any longer? What if 1yr into it, they just up and quit? Or 25yrs into it, they don’t want to put in the effort any longer?

That’s the scariest aspect of mawej to me, right now. Fine, it’ll be hard to meld two lives together (and harder the longer you’re single, I’m sure) but you can do it, if both of you want to do it.

What makes someone decide to stop investing in a relationship that used to mean everything to them?

I guess, in order to take the plunge and make the pledge, you’ve got to demonstrate some level of trust that you’re both in it to succeed. But the “what ifs” are real! And they’ve come true too many times to ignore . So what do you do?

Psalm 146:3 comes to mind. Trust no-one! People will always let you down. It’s not always malicious. In fact, most times, it’s a genuine mistake. But at the end of the day, whether in malice or mistake, people will let you down.

But God. He will never fail you. If anything, we’re always failing Him. But He’ll never take back a pledge He’s made, won’t forget a promise, won’t quit on ya. We can trust Him!

Here’s what I figure. Perhaps if instead of working on their relationship, a couple worked, together and individually, on their relationship with God, then God, who never fails, will help them keep their relationship together. So that while you cannot trust your spouse, you can trust God to keep them committed to you.

Come to think of it, it’s not just your spouse you can’t trust…You can’t trust yourself!

I’ve been driving for seven years now and I figured a post about what the experience has been like for me is in order given the significance of this year in this respect. I’ll begin with why I wanted to drive.

From a young age, I just knew I was born to drive. Riding in a car, I would find myself checking how smooth the stop and go was and found a natural respect for the smoothest operators. My Dad was one.The friend who taught me to drive was one too.
Another friend introduced me to the pet peeve for folk who keep their foot on the brakes for inordinate periods of time. You don’t always need to step on the brakes to stop. Sometimes, just letting off the accelerator will do.

It was my goal to get my license as soon as I turned 16 but with no car and no money of my own, I was at the mercy of parents who seemed not to comprehend the urgency of this task. So it wasn’t until I l was firmly grounded in my college career that I found friends willing to risk their wheels on me.
Speaking of risk, my first lesson was in a minivan with a toddler in the back seat! Somehow, timing only worked out for that friend to give me but one lesson…

• A good driver is always aware of what’s going on around her
• Your stop and go should be so smooth that your passengers can’t even tell that you’d stopped
• When you switch lanes, it should feel, to your passengers, like you were still in the same lane
• Assuming the space is large enough, you should complete a parallel parking job in two fluid moves
• Always check that the temperature is comfortable for your passengers (except on a long road trip – then driver’s preference takes precedence!)

Striving for perfection in my art has made driving a pleasurable experience. See, it’s not just about getting to where you’re going, but it’s also about how you get there, what you learn on your way; it’s about the experience of driving too.

For someone who prides herself as a pretty good and safe driver, you can imagine the shame and disappointment when she finds herself with points on her license. Yep. I got points on my license! One for speeding and two for driving the wrong way on a one way.

The speeding one was in Ohio. Need I say more? Ohio cops are known to be ruthless in dishing out those tickets, so I really should have been going a lot closer to the speed limit. But when you’re looking at nine more hours on the road and there’s a caravan of speeding cars, you can easily find yourself going 80 in a 65. Granted, this guy stopped me for going 85 in a 65 – which I never go over 80, ever – so the ticket was really meant for one of the other guys in our caravan… But he gave the ticket to me for going 15 over, and I was going 15 over, so my guilty conscience couldn’t argue, couldn’t even ask for mercy – I deserved the ticket

And driving the wrong way on a one way? Well, the road was usually two way but because of construction, they had converted it into a one way. I didn’t see the signs! Seriously, I didn’t! But I got the ticket. And when I got to court, the judge said, sympathetically, “People make mistakes and it doesn’t make you a bad driver. But since there were signs, you have to pay the fine.” So I paid and I got points.

That courtroom experience was quite fascinating actually. It showed me how brutal the law can be when you’re on the wrong side of it. While it’s there to protect us, when you cross it, it condemns you right quick! Unfortunately, I didn’t have a redeemer to pay the price for me.

In spite of my recent challenges with the law as a driver, I would say, I still enjoy the experience. I love road trips! I’m even seriously thinking about trekking it to Texas… ~20hrs! Only if the folk who’d have to go with me are down…

“God often brings men to a crisis to show them their own weakness and to point them to the source of strength. If they pray and watch unto prayer, fighting bravely, their weak points will become their strong points. Jacob’s experience contains many valuable lessons for us. God taught Jacob that in his own strength he could never gain the victory, that he must wrestle with God for strength from above.”
2MCP 454.2

I’ll tell you what, I’m always tempted to just mentally check out until the difficulty abates so I don’t have to deal with it head on. But no strength is gained that way and loss is sustained. As hard as it is to face challenges and actually work through them, it’s the only prescription for growth.

It was probably during my first year of college that I realized that feelings are very important to me. When I’m done with the rational/theological analyses and I still have two options, I’ll go with the one that feels right. But what happens when the feeling comes before you’ve had time to analyse?
I’d need to look back in my journals for what the specific Bible study was about, but that year, I was introduced to the concept of faith vs feeling and I realized that much of my so-called faith was really feelings based.

In the garden of Eden, when Eve ate the fruit, nothing about the experience felt wrong: It looked nutritious, pleasant to the eye, and logically desirable if it would make her wise. The only thing censuring her course of action was the clear Word of God. She couldn’t trust her experience, as compelling as it was. But she could trust God’s Word which is living and powerful and a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

It’s been a while since I had an experience so palpable it struck with resounding force at the core of this faith vs feeling controversy in my life… Where my heart yells out one thing and my body agrees with it: But in the stillness of my time with God, the true reality is made plain and I cannot, in safety, follow my heart.

It’s been a while since I had to give up something I really wanted because it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, it’s not because there aren’t things in my life I should have given up a long time ago. But this time, if I couldn’t let this one go, I would end up hurting people I care very deeply about – and the knowledge of that provided the extra impetus.

Every fiber of my being screams that I’m doing the wrong thing in letting this one go. But faith trusts God’s wisdom above my experience and I know it will all work out.

My friend has this book titled, “Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence” by David Keirsey. There’s a test in there to ascertain which of the 16 temperaments or hybrids thereof you fall into. The book then goes on to delve into characteristics of each temperament giving details about social interactions, dating life, married life, child rearing habits, and even jobs you’d gravitate towards! It’s quite an extensive analysis.

When Justin read my temperament description, I was fighting back the tears. It was like he were reading out of my private journal. I’d say it was 90% accurate. Maybe even 95%…Freaky!
Seriously, there were some statements in there that I had, almost verbatim, said to a friend earlier this year. Things I have just discovered about myself penned out by a total stranger. I felt exposed and it was uncomfortable.

Many thoughts have come to mind with regards to this experience since. First was the temptation to now model my inner life in accordance with the spoken word. I had to consciously remind myself that I am not defined by what that book says of me. That it was a descriptive analysis not a prescriptive one.

Next was the urge to excuse my behavior as the mere outworking of who I am. But then I realized that who I am is not static. My choices and my experiences have shaped me and will continue to do so. There may be things about me that aren’t very useful – they can change – I have the choice to change them!

My thoughts then turned to the virtue of a test like the one I took. I took it with my current roommate, my previous roommate and one of my closest friends. They didn’t find their analyses to hit as close to home as did mine. But for those things that were true, it validated our uniqueness and for me, gave insight into how to better invest in those relationships.

It took an intense year of self-discovery for me to accede many of the things in my temperament analysis. So much that I don’t think the result of the test would have been the same at this time last year. Almost as if you’ve already got to know yourself pretty well to test an accurate result. In that sense, the analysis was affirming. And in that same sense I wouldn’t swear by temperament tests.

When my description was read, I felt like my life was laid bare in so plain language that it was frightening to hear. But it is the painful experiences of this past year that have opened my eyes to certain important realities of who I am. So I thank the pain for being my teacher and exposing me.

I imagine that the day of judgment will bear some similarities to that temperament testing exposition. As the Searcher of hearts lays bare the innermost workings of every man, woman and child…finally, fatefully, exposed.