Isabel Briggs Myers didn’t have to tell me that I’m moved by my feelings. In fact, it’s probably one of my greatest challenges as a Christian – to act on faith inspite of feeling. So when my friend started talking about loving with your head first before your heart, I knew what he was talking about.
It’s not just about getting a good deal on a car and having the upper hand in the negotiations. But, you see, he was talking about a principle to be applied in romantic relationships too. Before you let your heart get carried away with emotional attachment, you need to make sure that your mind has paved a clear path.
There’s nothing wrong with chemistry between two people. I think, actually, that it’s an important part of a romantic relationship. But, once the chemistry has been acknowledged, and it’s obvious you click with this other person…Before you allow your heart to commit to them…The mind must be engaged.
Here are the considerations the mind must go through, in the words of Ellen White:
“Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life?” AH 45.2
Those are some packed questions! And they need to be asked before your heart commits. Asking them after you’ve decided that this person is perfect…and that you could spend every waking moment of the rest of your life with them…is too late. Your answers won’t be honest.
And when you find yourself in a situation where your heart has run ahead of your head, you need a time-out. A recess from the person with whom you are so emotionally entangled. It doesn’t mean they’re necessarily the wrong person for you, but you’d rather have the security of knowing, without a doubt, that God approves the match. A time-out will help you clear your mind and answer more honestly.
She goes on to say:
“If these reflections present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward.”
Sometimes it turns out not to be the perfect car for you after all. Or, maybe it will be the right choice for you. But wouldn’t you rather know for sure!?!