on becoming a Mom

tomorrow will be my first Mothers’ Day as a Mom…
I’m excited to celebrate it because
becoming a mother is the single most challenging and rewarding experience I have ever had!

I was never that girl or woman who just wanted to have babies
it was actually through a logical reasoning process that I came to settle on the possibility of bearing children
if I were to marry a man who wanted children and
if I loved the man I married
then I’d be willing to bear his children – something he couldn’t do without me

good thing I’d come to that conclusion before marriage because just about as soon as we were married, we were pregnant

while carrying my unborn son was an introduction to motherhood, it was nothing compared to the last three months of my life

during pregnancy, I was introduced to sleepless nights
before my son was born I began learning how to share my body with another individual dependent on me for nourishing
in more of a conceptual way, my personal choices literally impacted the life of my unborn baby

but I didn’t really know sleepless nights until he was actually born and my sleep is always light because I’m listening for him…
although he is no longer contained within my body, he relies on me to provide his food from my own body – it’s a profound phenomenon!
and how I spend every minute of my life impacts the life of my precious little one who didn’t ask to be born into this imperfect world.

before leaving for Zim the day my son turned 12weeks old, my Mom asked me what the most challenging thing about motherhood was so far

it wasn’t the long days and nights that came to mind
nor the physical discomforts that have attended the experience though

rather, the first thing that came to mind was that
the most challenging thing about motherhood is
not being able to keep him always happy

sometimes he would just cry and I couldn’t figure out what he wanted/needed
if I only knew what to do to help him find contentment, I’d do it in a heartbeat!

but there are times when I know what he needs/wants but there’s no easy way to get it and I must simply support him as he works through his own challenges
at those times, I feel helpless…
in those moments, if there was anything, anything at all, I could do to help him, I would
that’s what I’ve found most challenging thus far – the realization of my insufficiency to meet every one of my child’s needs

oh, but what a comfort it is to know One who cares more deeply about my son’s needs than I ever could
what a solace that He who knows no failure can help my baby when I am helpless
and it is a  great source of relief to talk to God about every little detail of my baby’s life

I can talk to God about poopy diapers
about disrupted naps
about distracted nursing baby
and gassy little one

does He care?
oh yes, He cares!
I know He cares!

and it’s knowing that Jesus cares that makes becoming a mother a more bearable blessing!
I thank God for the unique opportunity to experience such an awesome miracle

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